I am the mother of two adult children, a former English teacher, practicing yoga instructor (26 year practice; 20 years a teacher); lead singer of The Starlight Honeys); I garden, hike, snowshoe, cook, write poetry, and hang out with my squeeze, Declan, my kids and two kitty cats. Life is good in NH, where we live on "Dragonfly Farm," a 30-acre hilltop and forest paradise that borders White Mountain National Forest and Conservation land. Our studio is Dragonfly Yoga Barn, where I teach daily classes, lead yoga retreats, run yoga teacher training, and more!
At Isha Temple in Coimbatore hanging out with Shiva
Happy Maha Shivaratri, Everyone, and blessings on this auspicious day and night!
The festival of Maha Shivaratri, or the Great Night of Shiva,” is one of the most significant in the Hindu tradition. It is said that spiritual practices like meditation, chanting, and yoga performed as we are moving through this new moon are magnified 10,000 times! It’s also said one should stay up all night dancing and singing to get the full effect of this new moon Shivaratri energy, but I don’t think that’s happening for this yogi who will most likely be in bed by 9 pm–right after we finish chanting!
Here and now, during this darkest night of the month, we have the opportunity to let go of limiting ideas about ourselves, release ourselves from the patterning and conditions that trap us in our body and mind, and affirm our illuminated Self. This isn’t easy work. These beliefs and conditions can be deeply ingrained ruts that seem impossible to climb out of; but we are worthy of the diligent effort it takes to get to the cushion or mat (Tapas), worthy of the spiritual self study (Svadyaya), and worthy of the rewards that bring us ever closer to our true and limitless Self. Here on our panchakarma retreat, guests spend a minimum of 3-4 weeks clarifying the body, mind, and spirit with diet, exercise, meditation, chanting, herbs, and spiritual counseling under the wonderful guidance of Dr. Sundara Raman. As of today, all 14 of us have completed our purgation and are ready to celebrate the next step of this purification and the rasayana (nourishing routines) that will support our ability to move toward greater balance in body, mind, and spirit.
My photo of one of the many Shiva murals in Varanasi. Artist credit unavailable.
My regular students know my favorite chant to sing at the end of yoga class is “Om Namah Shivaya,” one of the most popular Hindu mantras, and especially important for those who worship Shiva as the incarnation of the Divine. I like it because it is known to be a mantra used to purify the body and mind, as well as to balance the five elements in our being: earth (na), water (ma), fire (is), air (va), and space (ya). I sing the entire chant five times: “Om Namah Shivaya Gurave, Satchitananda Murtaye, Nisprapanchaya Shantaya, Niralambaya Tejase,” which means:
“I offer myself to the Light, who is the true eternal teacher
Within and without (the teacher of all teachers),
Who assumes the forms of
Pure joy, pure awareness, and bliss (reality),
Always present and full of peace, this is my true nature
Independent in its existence,
Ever luminous, and always supporting me.”
Short and sweet, it means: “Salutations to That which I am capable of becoming!” We are all capable of becoming clearer and stepping towards the luminous and authentic beings we are when we clear away the obstacles (Kleshas) that obstruct our ability to see who and what we really are. Now those kleshas, that’s a story for another post!
The celebration of Shivaratri invites us to recognize and use our divine potential for our highest good, and thus the good of all creation. All we have to do is give ourselves to love and practice what raises our vibration, be it Bhakti yoga or meditation. As my teacher Dr. Paul Dugliss says, “every time we practice, it uplifts all of humanity for all time.”
Shiva, Parvathi, Ganesh & his mouse. Photo by Katie, mural by Ravi from Varanasi.
I’m honored to be co-leading an Ayurveda retreat and teaching yoga here in the high mountains of Tamil Nadu, India on this auspicious holiday and sharing this time with beloved friends here at Mountaintop. Let it be a beautiful day of preparation and a night full of singing, flower pujas, and bringing in the light! For us here on the Mountaintop, overlooking the sunrise and set, the city lights below, and hearing the distant music from villages near and far, we will be sharing the blessings of this day and night in the radiant container we have created together. Let your luminous and radiant spirit shine into the darkness of this new moon magic!
Alright, it’s time for a post just about the amazing food lovingly prepared by our team of chefs. Each day we are fed the most beautiful veggies, delicious dals, fabulous fruits, and glorious grains (okay, I know that sounds a bit overboard, but I’m not kidding. I’m getting hungry just thinking about what surprise is next!)
Every day after sunrise yoga, we are given a plateful of fresh fruit–just one variety: papaya, lychee, pomegranate, mango, avocado w/ flax seeds and honey (OMG), bananas, always with a side of dried fruits like amla berry, dates, or figs. I love it all.
In Ayurveda, fruit is eaten separately from grains and dairy, as taking them together can create fermentation and digestive malaise. Waiting at least 30-45 minutes allows for fruit to digest before adding the dairy that can cause fruit to ferment in the stomach and digestive tract (so all of you yogurt w/ fruit kinda folks, this one’s for you!). For those of you interested in a little primer on food combining and what foods don’t play well together, check out Dr. Vasant Lad’s site here:
Once we finish our fruit, some of us like to take a walk through the tea and the little village of Hulical, which takes exactly 30 minutes and gives just enough time to work up our appetite as we huff up the driveway to the retreat and arrive just in time for our grain breakfast. Phew! This morning after our morning jaunt, Annie, Molly and I circle back to the dining room to have breakfast. We are warm after our walk and decide to eat outside under the ficus tree in the shade. Mahalakshmi brings us each a bowl of the prettiest porridge I’ve ever seen. It is decorated with rose petals, pepitas, and almonds. She returns a minute later with a little silver dish of jaggery (unrefined dark brown sugar) for a little sweetness. Karin joins us at our little table, and together the four of us savor every bite. I look into my bowl to see a rose petal heart.
Some of the other breakfasts include quinoa puma with roasted chickpea chutney, or maybe a poha with cilantro mint chutney and cashews. Some days it is millet with veggies, and other times it’s a green mung bean dosa with coconut chutney. (Did you say “you had me at coconut chutney?” Me toooo!). Sorry, no dosa picture–I ate it before I could document that one.
Lunch each day consists of a vegetable sabji, some kind of amazing dal soup, packed with protein, a chapati, and a little salad of either greens, beets, or a mix of veggies, often dressed with lime, sesame, and honey–soooo good! Clearly, John’s delight tells you how delish this beet and coconut salad is. And btw, no one gets as humongous a pile of cabbage sabji as John. Somehow he’s got it in with he kitchen! Most of us ask for a side of ghee to pour on our piping hot chapatis, and with a little pink rock salt, voila! It is a heavenly lunch!
Here are a couple more pics to whet your appetite! That funky-looking puckered vegetable is called a Chocho, or a Chayote, and it’s often used in curries and coconut sabji like the one on the left. On the right is a lentil dal, steamed beet greens, fresh green salad with sprouts, and always lime with everything!
Dinners are meant to be a bit lighter than lunch, so while the lunch has a dal (lentil) soup with lots of protein, dinners have a lighter veggie soup, steamed veggies, and some kind of light grain like mint rice, millet with chopped veg, and sometimes (like last night) sweet potatoes with herbs. In Ayurveda we eat the biggest meal in the middle of the day while the digestive fire (Agni) is high, and later as the sun goes down, we eat a lighter dinner that’s easier to digest before we sleep. The meals are all made with lots of love, and it’s really fun to see how many of the veggies come right here from Mountaintop’s own garden: pumpkins, lettuce, cauliflower, gourds, bananas, beets, carrots, and so much more! Thank you Indrani, Mageshwari, Mahalakshmi xoxo
Indrani, our kitchen queen!
For now, I’m off to bed with a full belly and an even fuller heart. With love from India,
“You, yourself, as much as anybody in the entire Universe, deserve your love and affection.” ~The Buddha
I’ve come to realize that my years of coming to India to partake in Panchakarma is an embodiment of this quote. It has taken some time to nurture this seed of self love, but a beautiful flower has been growing in my heart, and tending to it requires diligence. How can we love others genuinely and with compassion and joy if we don’t maintain a reservoir of love stored up in the well of our own heart? What are you doing, dear Reader, to care for yourself?
For me, coming to India for the first time in 2016 was the turning point on the idea that taking care of myself with the nourishment, time, and tenderness that I deserve is actually not a selfish act. This was a radical shift for me, and not one that came easily–it was actually tinged with guilt and self doubt. Who was I to leave my home and family for a month or more at a time and go to a retreat where I could rest in my bathrobe all day and receive massages and have someone cook every meal for me? Even as I enjoyed the treatments in those early days, I can remember feeling a kind of guilt that I had the resources to experience such deep healing work. I even felt “bad” that my therapists had to work on my body–and on so many of us privileged people with time and resources to take time out of “doing life” and instead enjoy the beauty of being in the hands of therapists and doctors who have treated me with more love and care than I had offered myself for most of my life. In my struggle with self worth I found self care, and it has made more difference in my life than I could ever explain here in this post. So I’ll just pop in a few pics of the meals the past couple days, and this food is absolutely a gift of love from our chefs: Indrani, Magheshwari, and Mahalakshmi:
In the years before I found Ayurveda and an abiding meditation practice, I marveled at just how much I was able to get done, how many people I could teach, serve, care for… how my husband and I did what so many parents did: the “divide and conquer” days and nights of getting kids up in the morning, going to games, helping them with homework, and still putting homemade food on the table for a “family dinner,” followed by my own crazy combination of grading student essays building a home, and opening a yoga studio simultaneously. Just thinking about that organized chaos makes my body and brain hurt. And yet, we did it, and with a lot of joy, even if we were completely exhausted every. single. day. Thank God for Declan who supported me every moment of that whirlwind. And he still does, knowing that this time in India is an annual reboot, the reminder I need that it feels good to treat my whole being–body, mind, heart, and spirit–with love and with admiration. It’s easy, at least for me, to get sucked back into the cycle of filling every calendar opening with retreats and yoga teacher trainings, but I am happy to say (pat myself on the back), that I am not pushing so hard anymore. I love the work I do in the world. I love teaching yoga and sharing it with others in my studio, on retreats and in trainings, and if ever that joy feels parched, I know it’s nearly time to pack my bags and head on my sojourn. Balance is just waiting for me to hold it in my hands, like this little cup of ghee I am taking for the next 4 days:
Here at the retreat I slow down, walk among the lantana, listen to the birds at sunrise, practice yoga, meditate, laugh and cry with my dear friends, receive beautiful oil massages, and eat delicious food. I remember I am more than my work, and I am more than my body and my mind. At such a crazy time at home in the US, it feels strange to pack a bag and walk away. It could be seen as a check out; but really I am checking in. Deep in. What I’ve learned is that if I want to be of service in the world, I need to take good care of this soul vessel. I’m still learning to feel fully worthy, but for those who are here on this journey with me, we talk about how we can’t imagine life before these years together up here in the Nigiri Mountains. Happy Valentines Day to us, this circle of precious friends who have dedicated this time, like me, to do the deep and beautiful work that is self love. We deserve this.
Happy Valentines Day to myself, to my beloved Declan holding down the Dragonfly fort at home, to my wonderful family, my dear yogis and friends who cheer me on my way each year I come back hOMe to India, and to my sweet friends here with me sharing this time at the retreat. I love you all.
Last year I wrote a little about Hullical and Pannaven, the lovely little villages perched just behind our retreat here on the mountainside. Between the two, there are at least 5 temples, and each is dedicated to a particular deity. Last year while I was here, Pannaven’s new Ganesh temple was being built overlooking a gorgeous valley. The site was chosen because a herd of nine or so elephants had made its way into the town a couple years back and bedded down here where the forest meets the village. The same group of elephants came through again last year just before our arrival, and at the new temple they had just finished putting up the plaster deity of Ganesh on the roof with a whole consort of gods and goddesses. (Apparently the elephants agree with the choice dedication)! This year we came back to a freshly painted temple and were invited in to see the sanctuary and altar. Ganesh sits prominently on the top deck, just above another covered carving of some of his family including his parents Shiva and Parvathi, and one of his siblings, Kartikeya, the god of war. And yes, the sky is THAT blue!
In order to enter we must take off our shoes and wash our feet.
Outside the temple is a group of nine sacred entities called a Navagraha, representative of the nine planets. They are worshipped by Hindus to overcome any hindrance, obstacle or bad luck. Faithful believers pray to the Navagrahas before they pray to any other deity or the temple’s namesake, so they are located in the area outside the sanctuary. You can see in my pictures, each Navagraha is draped in a colored cloth representative of its planet, their foreheads smudged with a tilak made of sandalwood paste and turmeric. It is customary to circumnambulate this collection of idols nine times (one for each). If the Navagraha is not present outside the temple, then worshippers will take three clockwise loops around the entire temple. This action is either called a Parikrama (meaning “path surrounding something”), or it’s called a Pradakshina (meaning to go around in a clockwise direction).
Even though we are not dressed in appropriate attire (we’ve been walking through the tea and are in our hiking gear), we are invited by a local caretaker to go in, so we wrap our shawls around our bare shoulders, and enter.
Ganesh AltarNot sure who this little guy is!
Inside the temple is the main altar of Ganesh with fresh flowers, incense, and multiple oil lamps burning. Just outside the altar and looking in at Ganesh is this other stone carved animal, also adorned with flower garlands, a banana, and a champa flower (smells like Heaven!)
We spend a few minutes here and then head to the steps back to the path where our shoes are waiting for us.
The town of Pannaven stretches out from the edge of the forest and surrounding tea fields down a little walkway that leads to a diminutive village of about 20 terraced houses, each with some variation of tile roofs, pastel washed in blues, greens, and one pink with red trim. Beside it is a crumbling home with roof tiles in disarray which looks deserted. It’s hard to say how old some of these cottages are; some of the tea plantations date back 1835 here, but the local tribes existed here long before the English colonized these areas and set up their tea operations. The original huts of the hill tribes were made of red clay with teak beams and thatched roofs, and as far as I know, none of these remain here.
We pass by numerous outlying cottages, follow the pathway through the tea, visit Lakshmi, the retreat’s cow (who is due any moment now with a new calf), and turn the bend toward Mountaintop.
Thank goodness we get to walk every day–there are so many temples to visit and tea fields to romp through…
Until the next post, much love and many blessings,
Sometimes words can’t do justice to what I experience here. There is so much color. So much texture… so many sounds, there are not enough words in the dictionary for the variety of smells in India. Every day I am amazed at what pours in through my senses. It is a delight (and sometimes not so much ;). I suppose I am as open to, curious about, thrilled by sights, scents, and sounds at home in NH as when I am here in this land, but I don’t generally post about day to day living; it’s just too… ordinary. Here, looking at life and how the people live it reminds me to relish little things more… to notice life a little more. Even the smallest things capture my curiosity.
So today a little post on water. Of course, no matter where you live on the planet, water is a precious resource. Who doesn’t carry some kind of a water bottle these days so we can stay hydrated during the day? But imagine if every bit of water you needed: to wash dishes, for bathing, drinking, brushing your teeth, for laundry–imagine if you had to walk down the lane and fill a jug at a communal spout every time you needed water vs. turn on your sink spout.
Even though I live where water is plentiful, I know the value of clean water. Perhaps traveling here so many years now and being in cities where water is scarce has really taught me the value–the gift–of clean water. Here in the Nilgiris, where we are, the locals are fortunate to have potable water from a few local springs, and there are even small streams that flow down the valleys here. Our water here at the retreat is sourced at a spring just over the hill, and it is said we could drink the water if we want it is so fresh. But it is strictly for washing, so we drink distilled water from flasks, often ported for us to our rooms by members of the wonderful staff here.
If we are out early enough on our morning walks, it is common to see people in the local villages line up to fill their water jugs. They probably think it strange that we ask if we can make photos of them holding their jugs, filling their pails… it is such an common thing–why would we want to capture such a household chore? It would be like a South Indian coming to NH and asking to take a photo of me shoveling snow, I suppose. Just the things we do because we have to do them. And yet I can’t help myself:
When we ask to make a photo, they smile and pose, promptly closing their mouths to hide their teeth. Here I manage to snap quickly enough to catch the glimpse of a smile. And every once in awhile, someone is just happy to be seen:
One morning when Karin and I are out walking up and down the mountainsides, we happen upon this lady carrying a big steel pail up a rocky trail. She sees us and stops to see if we want chai. Ladle in hand, she opens the pail so we can peek. Steam rises from the full pot, and we reluctantly say “no” and point back to the top of the mountain to the clinic. “No tea for us,” we say, and in broken English she tells us she is bringing tea to the workers, and points up the hill, smiles, and then off she goes into a band of sunlight.
The 5 Elements of Ayurveda, the 5 Koshas of Yoga, and the Urge (?) to Purge
Our first week here in India has been nice and slow. I’d say sweet too, with long easy walks through the hillsides, picking flowers, and visiting the cow that gives us the milk and ghee (clarified butter) for the retreat. There are daily chats with Dr. Sundara about my overall health, covering everything from physical body issues to what’s going on in my mind, to memories and traumas, to the food I’m eating and what each bit means to my physiology and overall well being. I’m here a for a full month with my dear friend, Karin, who is the most wonderful travel partner and such a sweet sister to me; and John, my “brother from another mother” and co-leader in our 3-week retreat that begins tonight here at Mountaintop.
So it’s been so good. And a little bit hard too.
I’m just through a 5 day ghee and purgation week, and I’m telling you, Panchakarma is no joke. What is Panchakarma, you ask? It is a specific group of Ayurvedic therapies that involve the five (pancha) karmas (actions) that aid in cleansing the body of accumulated toxins (ama) with the purpose of restoring one’s health and vitality. Sound good? It is! But I’ll admit, there are challenging moments along the way. In the midst of purgation I have told myself “That’s it. This is the last time.” Now don’t get me wrong. I love ghee. I eat copious amounts of ghee each day at home, slathered on my toast. omg, so good! But when you are drinking it straight up with herbs… it’s a bit of a different story. My first day was 30 mls or 2 tablespoons. No sweat for me. The next day 60 mls. The next day 90. Then 120, the most I’ve ever had. Swallowing that last bit was tough, but I sent it down the hatch with love, knowing this medicine is wise beyond my understanding. Moving my body got a little harder each day as we added more ghee to my morning medicine. It literally slows you down as it saturates your cells. A simple walk became a slow-mo stroll, and with such a lovely view.
When doing the ghee cleanse, each day lunch consists of a little pot of kitchari (a thick stew made of lentils and rice), some lime, and rock salt, and for dinner there is a brothy soup and another little bowl of kitchari. After 5 days of kitchari, broth, and hot water, my tastebuds were even tired! Yesterday was purgation day, and that means, well… you need to be near your bathroom! And that’s all I’m gonna say about that.
But when you come out the other side of the cleanse, it’s like having been a caterpillar turning to a pile of moosh inside a cocoon, and then miraculously emerging as a brand new beautiful butterfly. Today is the first day out of that cocoon, so I’m feeling tender, but joyful. I know I’ve let go of things on every layer, and I feel lighter, sweeter, clearer.
I’m excited for the next leg of the PK journey, which is to deeply nourish body, mind, and soul–to replenish the being on all levels. This rejuvenation is called Rasayana, and it works from the macro to the micro-cellular level as it restores the vital fluids of the body, boosts our vital life force, or Ojas, and nourishes the immune system, which enhances our body’s innate wisdom to protect us from illness and disease, and gives us greater access to health and longevity as we age. At age 54, I’m all about that!
Back to the cocoon for a second. The way I see it, we can either choose to do the deep physiological, emotional, and spiritual work we are meant to do on this planet and evolve, or perhaps not. Ayurveda and the deep dive cleanse of Panchakarma help facilitate this unraveling, transformation, and replenishing. Think of it this way: our beings are multilayered and complex: we are a densely-packed field of energy, and each layer is essential to our survival as a spiritual being inside a human body. In yoga we look at the five Koshas, or sheaths (picture one of those Russian dolls layered one inside the next). And we have things to purge on every level of our being, not just in our physical bodies. If you don’t know much about these layers, they go like this:
Annamaya-kosha (food sheath, Earth element)
Pranamaya-kosha (vital sheath, Water element)
Manomaya-kosha (mental sheath, Fire element)
Vijnanamaya-kosha (intellect/intuitive sheath, Air element)
Annamaya is the most dense layer of our being. It is everything we can palpate: skin, bones, muscles, organs and tissues. This kosha is responsible for our survival, and it is through this layer that we experience the physical world and are able to interact with all of Nature.
Pranamaya is the next subtle layer, synonymous with the energy being. This is the level of the chakras. When we breathe we not only bring in oxygen for all the tissues of our physical body, but we take in Prana, vital life force energy, and this feeds our subtle body system, allowing life force energy to flow throughout the body. As a result, Pranamaya kosha is often called the “vital” sheath, as it plays a prime role in all of our essential body functions: breathing, digestion, and circulation.
The Manomaya is the layer of our emotions, consisting of our feelings, thoughts and memories, and even our imagination. Mano means mind, and so anything our mind filters moves through this sheath. It is our ability to perceive, reason, and process all things.
Vijnamaya is the Intuitive Body. Think of this as the higher mind… the mind that communicates with and can receive directly from Source. It is beyond the emotional thinking mind which can get bogged down with patterns, habits, and triggers, and is instead about our intuition and the inner wisdom that allows for spiritual growth and a sense that we are supported by the Universe in all we do.
Anandamaya is the Bliss Body. This is the thinnest veil of all the Koshas, and it is where we connect to our highest self or Atman. Here we abide in peace, joy, love and bliss. It is where we tap into the truest, purest aspect of what we are: Spirit. It is here we experience our interconnectedness of all things and truly understand we are not the body or the mind–we are a Soul.
Moving through these four days of drinking ghee and the fifth day of purgation helps us to become more aware of the koshas. During the process, I am so aware of my body and the shifts that occur each day. The first day or two, the ghee is working on the most gross layers: plasma, blood, muscle, fat. The Dr. takes my Ayurvedic pulse and he can feel what tissues the ghee has saturated. Then we get a little deeper in the structure: bones and joints. Again the pulse tells us what layers the ghee has soaked into. By the third and fourth days, the ghee has penetrated the nervous system and reproductive system, and finally, as Dr. Sundara tells me on day 4, “it is now on the level of the chakras.” How is this possible? This liquid gold ghee made from butter made from milk made from the grass Lakshmi the cow ate which was nourished by the five elements: earth, water, fire (sun), air, and ether is now in my subtle body. Dr. Sundara tells me it’s even working on purifying my mind and any karmas I carry, but that’s for another post perhaps.
When I awoke this morning a thick band of clouds was pouring into the valley below. Within minutes It become a dense bank, followed by a gray-white mist that swept up and over the tea fields, and then suddenly it all dissipated into blue sky and sunlight. What was shrouded is now in the light. What was cloaked deep inside my physiology has had the chance to purify. I am amazed every time I go through this process what is possible on every level of my being. And this is just the first week!
The reward after purgation is a plate full of papaya! Oh man was it good!
With guests arriving every couple of hours, my hat shifts from being solely a patient here to one who helps to create this sacred and safe container for others to experience the jewels of Ayurveda and its healing blessings. How lucky am I?
I am back in India where my room overlooks the Nilgiri Mountains of Tamil Nadu. The past few days have been a nestling back into my perch looking out over the tea. It is a comfort to return, a time of sweet solace, of deep deep physiological, emotional, and spiritual work, and the joy of rest and the expansion that comes when we stop the grind and just allow ourselves to be cared for, body, mind, and soul. It is a gift and a privilege to be here, and I am grateful. The mornings begin with a bulbul bird heralding the coming day. I hear him before my alarm goes off. And it’s worth getting up for the sunrise here.
Since all of our rooms face east, this is how we wake. But the sun sets behind us, and the rooms do not have back windows, so it is easy to miss that equally beautiful moment unless you walk up through the garden to the top of the retreat. My first afternoon here, as the sun dips low, I am pulled to the back gate to a tiny dirt path where the tea cascades down the Western slope of the mountain, where a gigantic olive tree commands the ridge, and where the flowers are so fragrant and full of birds, you would think you were dropped into paradise from out of the sky.
When I return to my room, I begin to sketch out a poem: (still in progress):
Tea Time
It is four o’clock
on the nose.
Sun pours liquid light over mountains,
splashes silver and gold on emerald hills,
and a million leaves
shimmer in response
like diamonds on the sea
a sea of tea
I need to stand in it,
this ocean of green leaves and sunlight spilling.
So, I open the gate–
the back way out–
to where it’s just me and the birds
and the breeze
in this hazy tea-time diamond light.
Lantana branches out, pours citrus petals
along the path, and
red dust rises from between my toes.
I walk slowly
take each step as a breath rises and falls
there is no need to rush now
It is easy to stand here
at tea time
on a mountain top
as the sun sinks low
and the red whiskered bulbuls sing in the lantana
and the golden-silver light stretches over it all
glimmers the metallic air
hides behind silver oaks
floats down their skinny trunks
lands under the giant olive tree
who beckons for me to come and sit in her silken shadows
But far off, clouds are coming
seeping through the folds of the mountains
Soon they will curl into the village
quiet as a cat’s tail.
A bell rings, calling people in before dark
before the bears and the leopards wake from their sunshine slumber.
Night belongs to the wild things here
At last, Sun bows his curtain call to the tea
and I slip back in the gate, past the shell pink datura flowers
hanging like skirts
step silently to my room
where ginger tea is waiting
There is no coffee here, by the way. Only fennel and ginger tea. It is simple. Intentional. I like that I don’t need willpower to keep my head out of the fridge or the pantry where boxes and bags with snacks abound. Sometimes it takes the absence of such choice to cultivate the clarity we need. It’s not lack. It’s not a deficiency. It’s just simple. It is deliberate. I think about how easy it is to eat mindlessly and how often I grab a snack when I’m not even hungry. Here, Indrani and Narayan serve us our meals with smiles, and we only need to receive the gifts of their work with open hands and heart. I raise my eyes to theirs and bow in gratitude. So much work–so much time to wash, chop, slice, stir, season, and serve us. I eat slowly. One bite. Spoon down. Breathe. Savor.
It is still early morning. The dogs bark, the crows crow, and the mountains rise out of the metallic sky. It is good to be back here in my cozy nest where my mind continues to uncoil and my body softens with each massage.
I will share more from the mountaintop in weeks to come. Thank you for coming on the journey, dear reader. It is nice to have you along.
Everyone loves a fresh start. I do. Maybe a new planner is your thing. Perhaps you write a list of goals or wishes in your journal for the upcoming year. This year, I’ve made a list of things I’m grateful for, then written each one on a strip of paper and put them all in a big jar. Each one has a smiley face and a love heart drawn on it. If I ever feel like I need a lift, my plan is to go to the jar and pull out a gratitude. I know whatever is on that little piece of paper will remind me of how lucky I am… how abundant my life is… how many things bring me joy… how full my life is 😁❤️
For those of you who know me as a yoga teacher, you will know I have never really bought into this “New Year, New YOU!” idea, even when we used to use it at the gym where I taught yoga for 17 years. I’d watch my classes go from 40 students every January down to 15 or so by mid February. Sure, it’s a great marketing tool to get us on a healthier track with diet and exercise, but built into this mentality requires looking at ourselves and thinking there must be a better version of our body or mind out there somewhere. To suggest any of us should be a “new you” insinuates the current version of you is somehow unworthy, not good enough, somehow undesirable. And what if I kinda like the “me” I was last year? Can’t I keep her?
Here’s the news flash, folks: yesterday, today, tomorrow… it’s still you. The REAL you isn’t going anywhere–you are beyond time. The authentic you is infinite, limitless, and divine. It’s the darn egoic part of us that is limiting and that categorizes us with titles and labels that we either have to live up to or that we want to get rid of. And those limitations and labels are hard to get out from under if we can’t see ourselves as the marvelous, magical, and multidimensional beings we are!
You are already amazing. You are already beautiful. Deserving. Worthy. Abundant. Perfect. Do those words seem too big for you? Try saying them out loud as an affirmation: “I am worthy.” It’s easy to trash ourselves and think, “why do I deserve to have everything I need when there are people on the planet starving?” But we don’t need to diminish ourselves to feel for the suffering of others; instead let’s be more proactive about how we can help those in need. How can we be more compassionate? How can we cultivate more kindness, more forgiveness, more appreciation and joy? There’s no need to go looking for a “new you” to connect to these qualities. We just need to nurture our true nature: Love.
It is the judgments placed on us by others and ourselves that trap us in worn-out belief systems, old ideas, and deep patterns that make us feel small, undeserving, or imperfect. This doesn’t give us a pass at taking good care of ourselves, having health and wellness goals, or beginning a new workout program that will help us feel more vibrant, empowered, and truly support our emotional, physical, and spiritual health. My dearest PT buddy recently told me if I don’t pick up a set of weights soon, there’ll be no saving my saggy a**. Gotta love friends who love me enough to tell me straight. I’m all about it!
If you are looking to get out from under the yoke of limiting beliefs and old ideas of who and what you really are, it helps to spend time with others who are up to the same spiritual shenanigans! Consider joining me to begin a yoga and meditation practice (or deepening an existing one) that can help you peel back the layers to find the sweeter, more loving, forgiving, joyful, and compassionate being you really are at your core. I would love to see you in yoga class, at a workshop or special event, in our online Heart Based Meditation series, or to welcome you on a wonderful retreat to a beautiful place that will support and uplift you and inspire health, wellbeing, and spiritual evolution! Sound fun? Sound exciting?
Then let’s head into 2024 together and nurture ourselves. This is about the true YOU. The authentic being that is multi-faceted and deserves all of your love, affection, forgiveness, acceptance, compassion, and joy! (and maybe some butt-kicking yoga on the way too!) You can opt in or out of that part 😉
With so much love, joy, and many blessings to all of us in 2024!
The days before, during, and after Winter Solstice are among my favorite times of the year. I love the way the light slices through the bare maples and alights on the hemlock needles. I love how the princess pines and moss glow green against patches of snow; I love the birds that are up before dawn excited to forage on the lawn before it is sealed up for Winter. I love hunting for Christmas trees with Declan, and it always brings me deep joy to cut boughs to make an evergreen spiral in the yoga barn for Winter Solstice.
I love that Nature is a bit indecisive right now, and that she expresses a full range of atmospheric emotions (not unlike myself during the Holidays, haha). From rain to snow, ice and crisp blue sky to thick fog and a swell of rivers, from the pink blush of sunrise to the radiant red of our recent sunsets–not to mention the cosmic arrays of the past week: glittering stars, the Geminid meteors, and this gorgeous waxing moon–Nature has certainly worn “the colors of [my] spirit” (Emerson) this month. Even though the power is still out here after yesterday’s deluge of rain, and it’s not going to be the white Christmas I was hoping for, I feel pretty lucky that I am alive to feel the pulse of Nature and the Cosmos.
Winter Solstice is a time to connect deeply, not only with Mother Earth and our own physicality as human beings but to connect (or reconnect) deeply with what is beyond our skin and our thinking mind…to reach out and really sense, feel, and believe that we are part of the expansive and infinitely creative Universe.
How do we do this?
I’ve learned that for me the first thing is to slow down. To actually stop long enough to connect with my senses: to feel the raindrops on my skin; listen to the wind rattling the last clinging beech leaves; stick my nose into a Christmas tree and breathe deeply; to feel the suck of the mud under my boots or to withstand the bone-chilling midnight cold long enough to stand under the stars and see a meteor streak the blue-black velvet sky. Maybe it’s just to have a cup of tea and sit in a stream of sunlight. It’s all so good if we slow down enough to consider that we have been given a miraculous chance to inhabit a human body with all of these ridiculously wonderful sensory organs. And who is the inhabitant? Aye, there’s the Divine rub!
It’s been my long-time practice to get up in the pre-dawn of Winter Solstice and experience the coming light of the day, with all of its promise of the returning light–the literal and the figurative. And that light might be a minute more daylight each day, but it is also a deep and profound longing for light in a world that can seem cruel, unfair, and sometimes hopelessly dark. Keeping our hearts in the cosmic light and sharing this light and light-ness with others can raise the vibration of all who share our spaces. So we light candles, we stand around bonfires, we sit by Christmas tree lights and perch on fireplace hearths. We gather to share light amidst the darkness, and this helps us to stay centered in the heart, to cultivate hope, and it gives us full permission to choose joy even though it might co-exist with the hard things for us to fathom like war, homelessness, all manners of abuse, any kind of hatred or fear caused by the depths of any one person’s despair. It’s a good time of the year to practice forgiveness–and forgiving ourselves as much as we might need to forgive some other soul. This practice has helped me to grow a LOT of light in my own heart. Because it feels so good, I’m committed to this practice of staying in my “heart-light,” not just during the longest nights of the calendar year, but in every season. It truly is an inside job… but it has so much radiance, it can, does, and will affect how you experience love and light in your own life.
Whether it’s snowing, raining, foggy, or clear, the light of morning always comes through and eventually illuminates the array I am so blessed to experience. And when the sun dips down low and leaves a pink glow on the mountains, I stop to let that glow fill my eyes and my heart. Daylight is especially precious when there is less of it. I’m taking conscious steps to raise my awareness of light–everywhere and every way I experience it. Sidebar: I recently watched the short film series “All the Light We Cannot See.” The title is what I’m talking about. Intrigued? Watch it. Quite amazing and wonderful, although I hear the book is exquisite in comparison.
And so, an invitation or two:
As always, those who love yoga are welcome to join me for a sunrise yoga practice at Dragonfly Yoga Barn around the evergreen spiral (5:45 am arrival, 6 am start), followed by potluck breakfast in our farmhouse. Later on that evening, we have the wonderful Steven Bachmann & Gabby Casey offering a “Soul-stice” Sound Medicine Journey here at Dragonfly @ 7 pm. We have just a few spots left in that experience!
Regardless of yoga classes or events, the invitation is here for all of us to greet the light each day. I invite you (and myself!) to go for a walk among the illuminated trees, stand in the sun and see the trails of your breath in the invisible air, dip your fingers or toes (or whole body!) into a frigid river and feel the swirling passage of water and light over your skin, sit on a rock or a park bench for a few minutes, and let the shadows and sunshine show us that all things shift, change, pass, and are reborn.
The longest nights are upon us. Time to settle in and settle down a bit whether with our peeps, to gather and share our heart lights, or maybe to sit with our own inner light and just go solo for awhile. Whatever it looks like for you, I hope the next week or so of Solstice time helps you top-up your your heart’s well with so much light and love!
This morning I awoke thinking of a beloved place in Guatemala, along the shores of Laguna Atitlán where exotic plants grow wild and lush along the pathways, where the black bumble bees are so huge they bend the stems of the passion flowers, and where the volcanoes stand like statues, surrounding the blue well of the lake that has numerous times been called the “most beautiful lake in the world.” Here, coffee and avocados flourish, and native women weave textiles as colorful as the blossoms. The old ladies have the sweetest smiles. Life moves a bit slower. People take their time. I think about this place often.
My first trip to Atitlán was in 2006 when I took a 5-week deep dive into a yoga teacher training that shifted the direction of my life. I vowed to come back one day. Six years ago this week, I returned to host a yoga retreat and had the great joy of leading 15 amazing beings on a cultural journey that included local food, cacao, visits to markets, including the huge Chi Chi market, and a boat ride to San Pedro, where we got to visit small local coffee shops, a chocolatier, weavers making gorgeous ponchos and shawls, landscape painters, shoemakers, and a place to buy soap and creams.
On Dia de los Muertos, Declan and I led a walk all the way up to the top of Santa Cruz Laguna. To be fair, we did take tuk tuks part of the way, but when it got too steep, we had to go on foot.
Even way up high in the hills, there was no breeze at noon—not a stirring of wind on the ground, but on this day the children were all getting ready for the afternoon winds, waiting for the rivers of air off Laguna Atitlan known to float up the ridges of the mountains. They call this Xocomil or “the wind that carries away our sins.” It happens nearly every day just after lunchtime, and it can turn the smooth surface of the lake into an ocean of whitecaps (try being in a panga boat when this happens!).
I remember how lucky we were to wander into the hillside villages on such a special day and watch as the kids send up their kites with messages of love and gratitude to their departed grand and great grandparents on colored kites. It made me think of my own family members and friends… where did they go, really? Into the ground? Into the sky? Maybe they are the passion flower or the bumble bee. Whatever they are, their energy is still here intermingling with all that is.
But I love this tradition…little kids, big kids, kites of every size and shape, running, swirling their strings from metal rooftops, competing to fly their love letters the highest, and to honor their departed loved ones with messages scribbled on paper wings. It was joyful. Lighthearted yet powerful. The pictures don’t do it justice. The kites were so high they look like tiny dots against the mountains. Those kids know how to find the wind! It was amazing and wonderful!
On the way down the mountain, we strolled through tiny towns, stopped into churches, paused to watch people laying marigolds on tombs. Every so often a cannon boomed from a graveyard, sending a ripple of sound up the hills. I learned later that this is standard on Day of the Dead, as well as on birthdays. A bit bigger effect than birthday candles, I think, although I’m not sure I’d want this to be our tradition, haha.
In one little town, Declan played soccer with a pack of kids in the square. They asked where he was from, and when he said “Ireland,” they immediately started a match: Ireland vs. Santa Cruz–one red headed Irishman against a handful of 9 year old Guatemalan kids. It was a joyous spectacle to behold. And all of them, big man included, were heard giggling with the joy of play.
What a sweet dream to wake up this morning remembering all of the laughter we shared, the yoga we practiced, the shaman who held our circle in ceremony, the flowers and mandalas we made, the swimming we did! Sigh with a smile. I love that this continues to be my blessed work!
On this precious day, when the veil is so thin, I invite us all send prayers, light candles, sing songs, maybe even write love notes to our departed ones: to our grannies and grandpas, to those who traveled on before them, to sisters and brothers and lost babes, to our dear friends and sweet pets, and to those who will kiss us goodbye when it is our turn to take to the winds and sail up to the heavens.
